Dealing with stress these days is something we might not always recognize never mind deal with.

So many people use medications of different forms of stress, from over the counter indigestion tablets to prescriptions issued by doctors for anti-depressants or stronger.

According to www.mentalhealth.org.uk

‘74% of UK adults have felt so stressed at some point over the last year they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope. 81% of women said this compared to 67 percent of men. 83% of 18-24 year-olds said this compared to 65 percent of people aged 55 and over.’

I feel there is not much to be achieved by asking why as most people fail to notice why or usually they believe it’s someone or something else’s fault and they are not in a position to change the outside stimulus causing the problem. 

The latter is usually what I work with clients. I help them change how they feel and see their situation. 

If you are trying to change outside circumstances I believe you will seldom have success. 

Waiting for everyone else to be nicer, treat you better, be better at their job, tidy their mess, not talk back to you, appreciate all your hard work, love you as much as your sibling is loved, not be a deadbeat ex, be a better father, be a better mother, do what they should…It’s never going to happen. 

All that will happen is you are waiting for other people to change so you can be happy. Doesn’t that sound crazy to you? 🙂

The people I have worked with over the years have great success in their life by dealing with their reaction to whatever the issue is.

For example;

Life is good, life is ticking over but then say someone hits your car. No-one is injured but the car is bashed.

Do you go nuts and want to or actually, shout at the other person things like, “Can’t you see properly? What on earth were you thinking about? Some people should not be allowed on the road. I wouldn’t let you near a bicycle never mind a car. Did you get your license free with a box of cornflakes?” 

I have kept this PG rated but I have heard these things and worse over the years.

Do you then let it spoil your day, week, year, and years?

Do you tell everyone you encounter what happened adding along the way all the inconvenience and upset?

Do you snap at your loved ones because you had a s**t day?

There is another way…

Believe it or not, I have been this way in the past and at that time my life wasn’t fun.

For many years now I have chosen a different way to react.

Now it’s a habit but at the beginning I did have to make myself do these steps that I’m going to share with you now.

  1. Assess the situation. In the car example, no-one was hurt. That’s a great thing. It could always be a lot worse.
  2. Understand there is a lesson and experience in everything in life. That’s what keeps it interesting and gives us something to do 🙂 So, what can you learn from the situation? Maybe it’s about having more patience. More understanding. Maybe it’s a reminder to not ever text and drive like the other person was doing. Maybe it’s about not being part of the victim machine and claiming things you don’t need. Maybe, it’s about finding the experience in the experience and understanding the lesson in all things. 
  3. Stop repeating it over and over and reliving it in you head. Thinking about what you should have done is just beating yourself up. You did the best you could at the time with the knowledge you had. It’s over so let it go. 
  4. Find the joy, happiness and love with the people you care about, feeling grateful to have them in your life. After all, you are still alive and well.
  5. Don’t keep talking about it. That only makes it bigger and worse. After you have informed the necessary bodies, don’t talk about it as the people you tell will most likely tell you other disaster stories and add fear and worst case scenarios. Or maybe that’s just the people I know lol.
  6. Maybe something good will come out of it. Always look for that even if it seems very hard to find, usually there is something there even if you don’t know what it is.
  7. As strange as this might sound, bless, forgive and send love to the other person or people involved. It somehow releases you from all the negative feelings attached. You don’t need to believe me. Just try it and see what happens 🙂

If you want to know more about how to change your feelings quickly to be in a better state, you can join me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/catmuircoaching/ for free videos, or my website www.catmuircoaching.com to do a course or make an appointment for a session with me.

Lots of love

Cat xx